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HI, welcome to my inner self. I am a transplant from
Louisville,
Ky.,
home of the Kentucky Derby. There, I went to duPont Manual High School (any alumni reading this?) & attended one year @
the University of Kentucky. In my life, I've:
travelled
a bit around the U.S.; been in the military (1.3 years
USAF - Honorable Disch, despite their wishes); been
homeless, a vagabond, & a floater amongst jobs &
friends
& their houses for periods of time.
I've: attended
several Junior Colleges (Fullerton, Long Beach, Santa
Ana; worked as an office temp, Administrative Assistant
@ McDonnell Douglas in Long Beach, ward secretary @
Long
Beach Veterans Administrtion Medical Center, a
maintenance/grounds worker @ Anaheim Convention Center,
assistant & manager of Seven-Eleven, a floor manager @
WHAS-TV in Louisville. I've been stabbed, shot @,
robbed, beaten, thrown from a motorcycle @ 35 mph &
higher (& lower), & had untold surgeries, & illnesses.
We won't EVEN go into the countless/infinite
periods of sadness, despair, grief, disappointments,
lies, sorrow, & plain old emotional pain from life
itself. I've had: love, joy, sex, girlfriend,
boyfirends, pets, friends, acquaintances & enemies;
people I like, admire, loath, despise, yearn for &
would
die for.
So, that, in great big hodgepodge, is my life as I know
it. And you know what, several times I could not even
begin to quantify, I've often questioned or been
questioned about if I would change a bit of it.
...................Nope.
Oh, I admit, there are many
times I would have wished things had occurred
differently. But I came to realize that if I had
changed any of those situations, I wouldn't have
arrived
at the enjoyable times in my life. Fate, destiny,
mother nature, the universe???? No, just the hand of
God that is in everything that exists. I'm in no way
blaming him for the evil/sad times in my life. But if
we praise Him for the good times (most of us probably
just give ouselves a pat on the back), then we must
accept that some evil will occassionally rear it's ugly
head. So, such is my life, such as it is.
Well, as it would happen, I moved to Los Angeles, Hollywood specifically, in 1990. Hmmmmm, gotta figure out whether I'm gonna bore you with the non-eventful time from 1990 to 1998. Okay, I'll put that in the "other medium" section link below.
Okay. It's now 1998 (@ the time of my first writing this), almost 1999, just around the corner from
the new millenium!!!! You may be wondering why I took
the nick of theWatcher.....hmmmmm...... fair enough
question. The story goes back 14-18 years, but I'll
condense it immensely. See, since 1990, I've been on
what was deemed terminal disability at the time. The
cause, well, that's what started about 18 years ago.
Remember those days, free, wild, uninhibited and
carefree. The day when the only thing you had to worry
about if you weren't careful was a half dozen visits to
the doc and just as many or more shots. But, hey, we
were immortal.....right? Must have thought so cause
after those shots, we were right back at it again, men,
women, and those who were undecided, all alike. Ah,
yes, we learned alright......we learned the hard way.
We
learned from burying our brothers and sisters and
keeping long into the next week vigils at hospital
bedsides of loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and
even
strangers we didn't know. I won't get in to the
politics, gorey details or dogma of the period....
that's
best left for another medium. But we did band together, those
of
us under the pariah, and learned that we all, no matter
what background, belief, orientation had to band
together cause this mess was bigger than all of
us......
This mess.....HIV/AIDS.
Visit the fine medical team
where I get my medical care @
a
most talented group.
Well, did my share of volunteer work in those days.
But, as I said, became too ill to work about 1990 or
so.
The timing was just perfect. I had been working at
McDonnell Douglas in Long Beach as an office tech after the previous position of Administrative Assistant ended.
About the time it was getting too difficult for me to
work, they were downsizing. Since I had only been in
that division for a little over a year, well, you
guessed it, I was given the boot. It was okay,
however.
I had learned a whole lot about office computer
programs, programming, and applications. I had a
really
great reference for my resume, even though I knew I was
not going to be able to use it. And I got the skills
of
being able to instruct others, even from a remote
location, how to use certain office applications. It
was a GREAT job.
So, I started to collect Social Security Disability,
went about getting my life in order, and began the
wait.
See, at that time in space, with the little knowledge
we had, the prognosis was a two-year lifespan after
receiving a positive test result, or a disabling
diagnosis. So I began the wait. I kept up a bit of
the
volunteer work. I even kept my hand in computers via
the Long Beach library. They had public computer
stations you could reserve for blocks of time. I needed something to keep my mind off of more morbid
details, and to keep the mind & brain working..... So I continued to wait. And wait. And wait.
And wait.
During that time, I really got to thinking about our
mortality, mine in particular. That's also about the
time I noticed the Highlander TV series. Part
of
the theme starts out "He is immortal...", ahhh, the
thought of "if only". Well, I pretty much knew I
wasn't
immortal. I also knew that I was constantly watching
and helping out friends in the background. Sorta akin
to the "watcher" on Highlander....thus....
It also helped that the "watcher" character of the show used a cane, something I was also doing @ the time.
It was a psychological cleansing type thing, I guess,
to
attach such feeling to such a show. There was an "immortal" who relayed his experiences during some of the the most interesting times in earth's history....always remaining optimistic holding out hope for humankind. And the scenery of the locations! The characters taught tolerance & the love of life. Hey, if you or I'd lived for centuries, maybe we'd have a different outlook on life, too. Well, with my mortality ever present on my mind, I sorta connected with that theme of the show.
Anyway, also @ that time I had it in my
mind, hey, if I was going to go out in two years, I was
going to do it soused. Besides, it eased the pains,
both physical and emotional, I thought. So as I
waited,
and I drank. I volunteered and I waited. And I drank.
And I volunteered some more, and I waited. And I
drank.
And...well, you get the picture. The trouble was,
we've now reached the five year mark in my story.....
right!! I thought the same thing.... So I
concluded....wait-a-minute.....I gotta re-evaluate
cause
I've been waiting for the two-year doomsday for five
years now! It's time to regroup. Well, the very next
day I became sober. [You'll be happy to know that to
this day, 3/4 of a six-pack, naw, say a twelve-pack,
will most likely still be remaining in my refrig after
3-4 months. Actually, often times up to six months. I
drink very very little now.]
.....to be
continued.....
Next up....how sick I did not
get.
Thanks for touring with me. Enjoy the rest of the site.
A BIG thanks to
Starla
for invaluable help in starting me on this quest....
much love to ya Starla!
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5a Illness
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ericB's Watcher site © December 1998
